Yours, Mine, and Ours- Managing step families

Step families can be very difficult to manage because not only do you have two people coming together with different ideas about how to manage life, but often kids are involved. Some of the first adjustments that individuals may have to face in a step family is being able to understand the emotional baggage they have brought from their past relationships as well as understanding the baggage their new spouse is carrying. To gain more insight, please watch the link below:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=961&EndCue=1392&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

Once you understand the emotional baggage you may be carrying, it is easier to deal with and to accept. When you know what problems you are facing, it is easier to know what steps you need to take to overcome them.

What about the kids? This is a hard new adjustment for them and they may not want to accept the idea that someone has come to replace one of their parents. There are some important rules for step parents to follow:
1) Your step kids don't have a good enough relationship with you for you to act like you are their parent. You need to be more like the aunt or uncle that they can go to, but you should not be the main enforcer of punishment on your step kids. Why? If you start disciplining too early, they will see you as an enemy not a parent.
2) Be understanding that this is not an easy adjustment for them. Understand that they may have some resentment at first. Be patient.
3) Serve them. As you serve them, you will come to love them more.
4) Offer advice, offer to show them skills, but don't force them to accept your help. They will learn to love you more if they feel like you respect them. Respect for you will also grow as you show respect for them and what they want.

Here are a few videos to illustrate this more:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=1568&EndCue=1692&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=1830&EndCue=1968&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

Here is a video about adjusting expectations:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=2126&EndCue=2418&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

Thanks for your views, and please leave your comments below!
Lacey

Why Don't Babies Come With A Manual???- Parenting

This is an exciting time in your life! Congratulations! You have just come back from the hospital with your first baby! She is adorable, and you have no idea how you ever lived without her before! You've thought A LOT about the type of parent you want to be to your little girl, and now is the time to practice those skills. You love your daughter more and more every day, but as she continues to grow, and you continue to become more and more exhausted from the tasks of taking care of your bundle of joy, you begin to feel like the ideal parent you imagined  yourself to be isn't quite who you are. You find yourself getting angry when she cries and you can't seem to make her stop.  When she starts throwing a temper tantrum in the store, you find yourself getting upset in return. Even though you aren't perfect, as she grows, you grow too. When she cries (no matter how long she cries) you are there to wipe away her tears. When she falls, you are the one who kisses it better and puts a Band-Aid on it. She may color with permanent marker all over herself, you, and the stairs, but you will still love her. You may not be the ideal parent  you once thought you would be, but you are finding that you are gaining a love you never knew existed. You are finding that complete charity exists within you for someone else in a way that is different that you ever imagined.  In the end what makes a good parent? No child comes with a manual on how to make them function properly, but there are specific things that, combined are a recipe for a good parent.
#1- Love. The most important thing a parent can do is love. It's okay for your to ask where they are going because it shows that you love them. It's okay for you to ask them to eat their vegetables, to want them to succeed, to tuck them in at night. Good parents show their love for their kids by loving them unconditionally, and allowing them to grow as individuals.
#2- Work. Teaching your children how to work is an important part of helping them succeed. Give them chores. Praise them for a job well done. Help them with their homework, but don't do it for them. Accept their help. Be firm. Show by example that it is important to work hard, and that hard work brings happiness. They will thank you one day for giving them responsibilities.
#3- Communication. It is key for a good relationship. Strive to have the type of relationship that you can laugh together, talk seriously together, and overcome differences together. Expect respect from your child, but respect them in return. Never try to get to their level. You are to be their parent, but that doesn't mean you are overly strict. Find the balance that your child sees you as a role model with advice and obeys you, but also be a role model they can talk about anything with.

What parenting advice do you have?
 Please leave your advice and comments below.
-Lacey