Yours, Mine, and Ours- Managing step families

Step families can be very difficult to manage because not only do you have two people coming together with different ideas about how to manage life, but often kids are involved. Some of the first adjustments that individuals may have to face in a step family is being able to understand the emotional baggage they have brought from their past relationships as well as understanding the baggage their new spouse is carrying. To gain more insight, please watch the link below:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=961&EndCue=1392&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

Once you understand the emotional baggage you may be carrying, it is easier to deal with and to accept. When you know what problems you are facing, it is easier to know what steps you need to take to overcome them.

What about the kids? This is a hard new adjustment for them and they may not want to accept the idea that someone has come to replace one of their parents. There are some important rules for step parents to follow:
1) Your step kids don't have a good enough relationship with you for you to act like you are their parent. You need to be more like the aunt or uncle that they can go to, but you should not be the main enforcer of punishment on your step kids. Why? If you start disciplining too early, they will see you as an enemy not a parent.
2) Be understanding that this is not an easy adjustment for them. Understand that they may have some resentment at first. Be patient.
3) Serve them. As you serve them, you will come to love them more.
4) Offer advice, offer to show them skills, but don't force them to accept your help. They will learn to love you more if they feel like you respect them. Respect for you will also grow as you show respect for them and what they want.

Here are a few videos to illustrate this more:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=1568&EndCue=1692&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=1830&EndCue=1968&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

Here is a video about adjusting expectations:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=2126&EndCue=2418&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos

Thanks for your views, and please leave your comments below!
Lacey