Step families can be very difficult to manage because not only do you have two people coming together with different ideas about how to manage life, but often kids are involved. Some of the first adjustments that individuals may have to face in a step family is being able to understand the emotional baggage they have brought from their past relationships as well as understanding the baggage their new spouse is carrying. To gain more insight, please watch the link below:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=961&EndCue=1392&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos
Once you understand the emotional baggage you may be carrying, it is easier to deal with and to accept. When you know what problems you are facing, it is easier to know what steps you need to take to overcome them.
What about the kids? This is a hard new adjustment for them and they may not want to accept the idea that someone has come to replace one of their parents. There are some important rules for step parents to follow:
1) Your step kids don't have a good enough relationship with you for you to act like you are their parent. You need to be more like the aunt or uncle that they can go to, but you should not be the main enforcer of punishment on your step kids. Why? If you start disciplining too early, they will see you as an enemy not a parent.
2) Be understanding that this is not an easy adjustment for them. Understand that they may have some resentment at first. Be patient.
3) Serve them. As you serve them, you will come to love them more.
4) Offer advice, offer to show them skills, but don't force them to accept your help. They will learn to love you more if they feel like you respect them. Respect for you will also grow as you show respect for them and what they want.
Here are a few videos to illustrate this more:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=1568&EndCue=1692&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=1830&EndCue=1968&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos
Here is a video about adjusting expectations:
http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=2126&EndCue=2418&VideoName=HQ75992_P67_disc1&VideoType=libraryvideos
Thanks for your views, and please leave your comments below!
Lacey
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Why Don't Babies Come With A Manual???- Parenting
This is an exciting time in your life! Congratulations! You have just come back from the hospital with your first baby! She is adorable, and you have no idea how you ever lived without her before! You've thought A LOT about the type of parent you want to be to your little girl, and now is the time to practice those skills. You love your daughter more and more every day, but as she continues to grow, and you continue to become more and more exhausted from the tasks of taking care of your bundle of joy, you begin to feel like the ideal parent you imagined yourself to be isn't quite who you are. You find yourself getting angry when she cries and you can't seem to make her stop. When she starts throwing a temper tantrum in the store, you find yourself getting upset in return. Even though you aren't perfect, as she grows, you grow too. When she cries (no matter how long she cries) you are there to wipe away her tears. When she falls, you are the one who kisses it better and puts a Band-Aid on it. She may color with permanent marker all over herself, you, and the stairs, but you will still love her. You may not be the ideal parent you once thought you would be, but you are finding that you are gaining a love you never knew existed. You are finding that complete charity exists within you for someone else in a way that is different that you ever imagined. In the end what makes a good parent? No child comes with a manual on how to make them function properly, but there are specific things that, combined are a recipe for a good parent.
#1- Love. The most important thing a parent can do is love. It's okay for your to ask where they are going because it shows that you love them. It's okay for you to ask them to eat their vegetables, to want them to succeed, to tuck them in at night. Good parents show their love for their kids by loving them unconditionally, and allowing them to grow as individuals.
#2- Work. Teaching your children how to work is an important part of helping them succeed. Give them chores. Praise them for a job well done. Help them with their homework, but don't do it for them. Accept their help. Be firm. Show by example that it is important to work hard, and that hard work brings happiness. They will thank you one day for giving them responsibilities.
#3- Communication. It is key for a good relationship. Strive to have the type of relationship that you can laugh together, talk seriously together, and overcome differences together. Expect respect from your child, but respect them in return. Never try to get to their level. You are to be their parent, but that doesn't mean you are overly strict. Find the balance that your child sees you as a role model with advice and obeys you, but also be a role model they can talk about anything with.
What parenting advice do you have?
Please leave your advice and comments below.
-Lacey
#1- Love. The most important thing a parent can do is love. It's okay for your to ask where they are going because it shows that you love them. It's okay for you to ask them to eat their vegetables, to want them to succeed, to tuck them in at night. Good parents show their love for their kids by loving them unconditionally, and allowing them to grow as individuals.
#2- Work. Teaching your children how to work is an important part of helping them succeed. Give them chores. Praise them for a job well done. Help them with their homework, but don't do it for them. Accept their help. Be firm. Show by example that it is important to work hard, and that hard work brings happiness. They will thank you one day for giving them responsibilities.
#3- Communication. It is key for a good relationship. Strive to have the type of relationship that you can laugh together, talk seriously together, and overcome differences together. Expect respect from your child, but respect them in return. Never try to get to their level. You are to be their parent, but that doesn't mean you are overly strict. Find the balance that your child sees you as a role model with advice and obeys you, but also be a role model they can talk about anything with.
What parenting advice do you have?
Please leave your advice and comments below.
-Lacey
Saturday, March 19, 2016
How to Manage Your Finances
Money. Some people say it's what makes the world go round. Finances help make the world go round, but it definitely isn't the most important thing. However, it does contribute to the happiness of families, and their ability to function.
In a booklet/ talk called One For the Money it gives 12 steps for managing money.
To view these steps in more details go to https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/09/one-for-the-money?lang=eng
In a booklet/ talk called One For the Money it gives 12 steps for managing money.
- Pay an honest tithe.- If you are religious, you will be surprised how far giving will get you in life.
- Learn to manage money before it manages you. - If you are aware of your finances, they are less likely to catch you by surprise!
- Learn self discipline and self restraint in money matters. Think of what you want more, that ice cream cone, or the trip to Hawaii you and your spouse have been saving for?
- Use a budget.- It is so much easier to remain debt free, or get out of debt when you are aware of what you have to spend and how much everything costs.
- Teach family members early the importance of working and earning.- One of the best lessons you can teach your child is how to work. ( Thanks Mom and Dad!)
- Teach children to make money decisions in keeping with their capacity to comprehend.- Teach based on their age. Different children will take different techniques to teach about money, just like it does with all other things.
- Teach each family member to contribute to the total family welfare.- When everyone is contributing to the family, it unites them.
- Make education a continuing process- Just because you are graduated from college doesn't mean there aren't new things to explore!
- Work toward home ownership.- It will feel so good to have it truly be yours!
- Appropriately involve yourself in an insurance program.- Insurance may seem expensive, but if anything was to happen it would save you a bundle in the long run.
- Understand the influence of external forces on family finances and investments.
- Appropriately involve yourself in a food storage and emergency preparedness program.- It is better to be safe rather than sorry in an emergency.
To view these steps in more details go to https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/09/one-for-the-money?lang=eng
Communication and Counsel
Have you ever heard of a family counsel?
Family counsels go a little something like this: Dad and Mom call the kids into the living room. They give the announcement that they will be moving and they have three different options of places they will go. The parents give the pros and cons to each place, and ask the children what their thoughts are. This doesn't mean that the parents aren't going to do whatever the popular vote is if they don't feel it's right, but it gives the kids insights into what is going on, and also helps them feel as if they get a say in the decision of the family. Why are counsels so effective?
Counsels in families it gives an opportunity for open communication. Each child, and parent, get to give their opinion and share their feelings and reasons for why the feel that one decision would be a good option. Each family member gets to feel like they are part of the decision rather than having a decision being forced upon them. Even if the parents don't pick what most of their children felt was good, they are able to explain to them openly why they made the choice that they did in a loving way. Family counsels give family member the ability to communicate openly.
If you are religious, you may consider opening and closing your family counsel with a prayer. Couples should also counsel together frequently to build their relationships as well as to make final decisions for their family.
Family counsels also help children to know in their own personal situations that they are able to come to their parents with problems. When open communication is part of the family system, it gives family members the confidence that they can confide, and problem solve with other family members instead of bottling up problems.
Try implementing family counsels into your family for a greater problem solving capacity.
Family counsels go a little something like this: Dad and Mom call the kids into the living room. They give the announcement that they will be moving and they have three different options of places they will go. The parents give the pros and cons to each place, and ask the children what their thoughts are. This doesn't mean that the parents aren't going to do whatever the popular vote is if they don't feel it's right, but it gives the kids insights into what is going on, and also helps them feel as if they get a say in the decision of the family. Why are counsels so effective?
Counsels in families it gives an opportunity for open communication. Each child, and parent, get to give their opinion and share their feelings and reasons for why the feel that one decision would be a good option. Each family member gets to feel like they are part of the decision rather than having a decision being forced upon them. Even if the parents don't pick what most of their children felt was good, they are able to explain to them openly why they made the choice that they did in a loving way. Family counsels give family member the ability to communicate openly.
If you are religious, you may consider opening and closing your family counsel with a prayer. Couples should also counsel together frequently to build their relationships as well as to make final decisions for their family.
Family counsels also help children to know in their own personal situations that they are able to come to their parents with problems. When open communication is part of the family system, it gives family members the confidence that they can confide, and problem solve with other family members instead of bottling up problems.
Try implementing family counsels into your family for a greater problem solving capacity.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Family Crisis
All I remember is the phone ringing and my missionary companion saying, "It was the mission President, should we give him a call back during our studies?" As a missionary for my church, one rule my companions and I always tried to follows was to leave phone calls until after we had finished our morning studies. This was a special occasion however, the mission president never called us. Due to that, we always new it was important if we saw his number pop up on the screen. "Call him back right away," I said giving my companion the go. The next words I heard made my heart stop for a brief moment.....
"Sister Elkington, your mother called, and I'm afraid we have some bad news."
My worst nightmare was coming true. Those are never the right words for someone to say to you when you have been away from your home and family for over a year, knowing that you still have six months before you will see their faces again.
"Your cousin, Brandon has passed away."
Immediately I started sobbing. Through my tears I heard my mission president say, " We are so very sorry. Tell us more about Brandon. We wish we could be there for your right now, know that we are thinking of your and praying for you."
With tears streaming down my face, I relayed some of my favorite memories I had of my cousin.
"I remember playing on the ditch banks outside my house and building cities in them with Brandon and my brothers. We had so much fun that summer." I found myself smiling at the memory.
"He would always offer to take me to movies with him, and he gave me a nick name when I was little that stuck with me all while I was growing up. I loved it when he called me by my nickname." The list of memories continued......
The following weeks were hard. Some nights I would cry myself to sleep because it was so hard not being with my family at such a difficult time.
Even though this experience was extremely different for each of us in different ways, it has helped us to understand and enjoy life more. We have received comforting knowing that families really are forever and that we will see our loved ones again. If we had reacted differently to the passing of my cousin, it could have had a different outcome entirely on our family. We chose to come together and find strength from each other rather than trying to deal with it alone. Although this experience was pain, it had a bonding effect that has strengthened us as a whole. Each person will face struggles and trials in life. Those trials can seem to be a heavy load, however, if each individual in a family comes together to lift, the load will be lighter for everyone. So give support to others, look for support yourself, and know that by lifting together you will all become stronger.
"Sister Elkington, your mother called, and I'm afraid we have some bad news."
My worst nightmare was coming true. Those are never the right words for someone to say to you when you have been away from your home and family for over a year, knowing that you still have six months before you will see their faces again.
"Your cousin, Brandon has passed away."
Immediately I started sobbing. Through my tears I heard my mission president say, " We are so very sorry. Tell us more about Brandon. We wish we could be there for your right now, know that we are thinking of your and praying for you."
With tears streaming down my face, I relayed some of my favorite memories I had of my cousin.
"I remember playing on the ditch banks outside my house and building cities in them with Brandon and my brothers. We had so much fun that summer." I found myself smiling at the memory.
"He would always offer to take me to movies with him, and he gave me a nick name when I was little that stuck with me all while I was growing up. I loved it when he called me by my nickname." The list of memories continued......
The following weeks were hard. Some nights I would cry myself to sleep because it was so hard not being with my family at such a difficult time.
Even though this experience was extremely different for each of us in different ways, it has helped us to understand and enjoy life more. We have received comforting knowing that families really are forever and that we will see our loved ones again. If we had reacted differently to the passing of my cousin, it could have had a different outcome entirely on our family. We chose to come together and find strength from each other rather than trying to deal with it alone. Although this experience was pain, it had a bonding effect that has strengthened us as a whole. Each person will face struggles and trials in life. Those trials can seem to be a heavy load, however, if each individual in a family comes together to lift, the load will be lighter for everyone. So give support to others, look for support yourself, and know that by lifting together you will all become stronger.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Devoted to You
There are so many statistics on divorce, and it can be very frightening. It can even be difficult for young couples to have the courage to marry because of the battle scenes of others failed marriages they see before them. What is causing so many divorces? There are many factors, but one factor that we see plastered all over the TV screen probably won't surprise you. Infidelity. Many marriages fall apart because of infidelity.
In a power point presentation entitiled Friends, Facebook, and Fidelity four different categories are discussed that you may have never considered as a threat to your relationship with your spouse.
1) Friends-Of course everyone needs social interaction, but individuals also need to be careful about how much time is devoted to their friends. There needs to be adjustments of how individuals in the marriage interact with friends of the opposite gender. When it comes to marriage, your spouse needs to be your one and only. Friends are important, but specific boundaries need to be set to protect your marriage from friends of both genders.
2) Facebook- Be mindful of the time you spend on Facebook. It may seem harmless, but it can be harmful if not used with caution.
3)Family- How can we be unfaithful by being with our other family members? The truth is that if one spouse shares information that may be negative about their husband or wife to their family, it will take a very long time for the family members to forget. You and your spouse will work out the problem and all will be well with the two of you, but the last thing your family heard about him was negative. Don't share information with anyone that you wouldn't share with your spouse.
For information on how to strengthen and safeguard your marriage check out the powerpoint, Friends, Facebook, and Fidelity at the link below.
https://byui.brainhoney.com/Resource/45117406,5,5,0/Assets/Friends,%20Facebook%20and%20%20Fidelity.ppsx?attachment=1
In a power point presentation entitiled Friends, Facebook, and Fidelity four different categories are discussed that you may have never considered as a threat to your relationship with your spouse.
1) Friends-Of course everyone needs social interaction, but individuals also need to be careful about how much time is devoted to their friends. There needs to be adjustments of how individuals in the marriage interact with friends of the opposite gender. When it comes to marriage, your spouse needs to be your one and only. Friends are important, but specific boundaries need to be set to protect your marriage from friends of both genders.
2) Facebook- Be mindful of the time you spend on Facebook. It may seem harmless, but it can be harmful if not used with caution.
3)Family- How can we be unfaithful by being with our other family members? The truth is that if one spouse shares information that may be negative about their husband or wife to their family, it will take a very long time for the family members to forget. You and your spouse will work out the problem and all will be well with the two of you, but the last thing your family heard about him was negative. Don't share information with anyone that you wouldn't share with your spouse.
For information on how to strengthen and safeguard your marriage check out the powerpoint, Friends, Facebook, and Fidelity at the link below.
https://byui.brainhoney.com/Resource/45117406,5,5,0/Assets/Friends,%20Facebook%20and%20%20Fidelity.ppsx?attachment=1
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Married Life
So I haven't gotten married yet... I'm not quite there yet but here are a few know will be an adjustment once the big day comes for me and for you :)
First Month
Living with someone of the opposite gender
Sharing a bed with someone
House responsibilities
Sharing finances with someone
Establishing rituals like:
---How you greet each other
---Prayer and Scripture reading together (if you are religious)
---Morning routines
---etc. etc. etc.
Establishing boundaries
Rules of your home
Learning how to be self reliant as a couple
Sharing schedules
Love life/ Sex
Balancing social life/ creating friends together
First Year Adjustments
House responsibilities ( who will mow the lawn, cook dinner, clean the bathroom)
Finances (some things carry over from the month to the year)
Possibility of children
Family Traditions
The list of things to adjust to could go on and on and on.... If you have more ideas, please leave a comment below!
-Lacey
First Month
Living with someone of the opposite gender
Sharing a bed with someone
House responsibilities
Sharing finances with someone
Establishing rituals like:
---How you greet each other
---Prayer and Scripture reading together (if you are religious)
---Morning routines
---etc. etc. etc.
Establishing boundaries
Rules of your home
Learning how to be self reliant as a couple
Sharing schedules
Love life/ Sex
Balancing social life/ creating friends together
First Year Adjustments
House responsibilities ( who will mow the lawn, cook dinner, clean the bathroom)
Finances (some things carry over from the month to the year)
Possibility of children
Family Traditions
The list of things to adjust to could go on and on and on.... If you have more ideas, please leave a comment below!
-Lacey
Getting Married
I just have to say, this topic couldn't be more perfect for me.
What I'm about to share is a very special story. It's my love story. Its how I found the love of my life. At first, I didn't know I had found him. It took time, but I am so thankful for all the little things that brought us together. It's kind of an insane story actually......
When I was in the 5th grade it was announced that I would start going to a different elementary school. I was SO ANGRY. I can't even tell you how many times I cried over that when I was 11. I finally realized it was inevitable, and I prepared myself to go to a new school in August. It was then that I met Hunter for the very first time. In fact, he sat next to me in class.... and I even told him his desk was messy... (what a kind soul I was.)
All through middle school and high school we were in classes together. He didn't pay attention to me, and I didn't pay attention to him. I went to high school dances with many of his friends, but Hunter and I weren't really all that great of pals, we just knew of each other. Each of us dated other people in high school. Then, Hunter left for a LDS mission. I later choose to serve a mission, and we were called to the same place. We became friends when we were in the same area, but didn't think anything about it. We were both strictly focused on teaching others about Christ and His gospel.
When I returned from my mission in September, Hunter and I started talking again.... in fact, the day after I got home we ran into each other in the store and I met Hunter's whole family. When I left the store, Hunter's dad told him that he should try taking me on a date.....eventually that date led to another date, and another date, and it continues on to our engagement.
When I was in the 5th grade it was announced that I would start going to a different elementary school. I was SO ANGRY. I can't even tell you how many times I cried over that when I was 11. I finally realized it was inevitable, and I prepared myself to go to a new school in August. It was then that I met Hunter for the very first time. In fact, he sat next to me in class.... and I even told him his desk was messy... (what a kind soul I was.)
All through middle school and high school we were in classes together. He didn't pay attention to me, and I didn't pay attention to him. I went to high school dances with many of his friends, but Hunter and I weren't really all that great of pals, we just knew of each other. Each of us dated other people in high school. Then, Hunter left for a LDS mission. I later choose to serve a mission, and we were called to the same place. We became friends when we were in the same area, but didn't think anything about it. We were both strictly focused on teaching others about Christ and His gospel.
When I returned from my mission in September, Hunter and I started talking again.... in fact, the day after I got home we ran into each other in the store and I met Hunter's whole family. When I left the store, Hunter's dad told him that he should try taking me on a date.....eventually that date led to another date, and another date, and it continues on to our engagement.
There are so many details I left out, but you get the idea. :)
As Hunter and I were looking at rings, we kept looking at extravagant rings that we wanted. I think one of the best pieces of advice I got was given by my future sister in law, she said, " Four months down the road, the ring won't matter. What will matter is the two of you and your relationship." I've come to see how true that counsel is. Yes, you want to make your wedding nice, and have the nicest rings, and the prettiest reception, but when it all comes down to it the most important thing is the two of you who have promised to love, cherish, and help each other through everything in life. What matters is the love you have promised to nurture so it can continue to grow. So when it comes to getting married, enjoy the day, enjoy the reception, but most of all focus on the promises you are making and the one you are making them with.
-Lacey
Saturday, February 6, 2016
I Know This Isn't The Easiest Topic
Know that everything I say in this blog I say with the utmost respect for all people.
This week has been an interesting week as far as topics go. We have been discussing gender roles and same sex attraction, which are probably two of the most touchy subjects someone could talk about in today's world. So here are some thoughts that I have had over the last week.......
I am all about equality, however, I would not say that I fall into the category of feminist by any means. That doesn't mean that I don't respect women or think that they are equal to men. I am a woman who believes that men and women are equal, but different, and different for a reason. Women excel in different areas of life than men do, and in my opinion that is completely okay. Just because a man can lift a hundred pounds more than me doesn't make him better than me, because chances are there are other things that I excel at that he isn't skilled with. That's the great thing about men and women. We are able to come together with different talents and abilities to help, lift, and serve each other. I feel that is how it is supposed to be. Men and women are different because we need differences. We need differences in opinions. We need differences in talents and abilities. We need differences in everything, because that is part of what makes life interesting, and possible.
Same sex attraction is becoming more and more evident in the world today. Now I must admit that I do not support the idea of gay and lesbian relationships, however that doesn't mean that I shun those people. I have friends that have struggled with those emotions, and I don't love them any less for it. I've come to understand that different people have different struggles. I don't know the exact circumstances of people who are struggling with same sex attraction, but I feel that those feelings are struggles that some people deal with in life. Others may disagree, and that's okay because we each have a right to our own ideas. I have come to know and believe for myself that marriage between a man and a women is a relationship that God established to bring more of His children to earth. I guess you could say that is why I can be so passionate about this topic, because it is between a man and a women that children are able to be created.That doesn't mean that God loves people who are struggling with same sex attraction less than people who don't struggle with that. God loves all people no matter what their struggles are. I know many will disagree, but also know that I still respect that your opinion may be different than mine. Regardless of opinions, we are all people and should respect each other.
This week has been an interesting week as far as topics go. We have been discussing gender roles and same sex attraction, which are probably two of the most touchy subjects someone could talk about in today's world. So here are some thoughts that I have had over the last week.......
I am all about equality, however, I would not say that I fall into the category of feminist by any means. That doesn't mean that I don't respect women or think that they are equal to men. I am a woman who believes that men and women are equal, but different, and different for a reason. Women excel in different areas of life than men do, and in my opinion that is completely okay. Just because a man can lift a hundred pounds more than me doesn't make him better than me, because chances are there are other things that I excel at that he isn't skilled with. That's the great thing about men and women. We are able to come together with different talents and abilities to help, lift, and serve each other. I feel that is how it is supposed to be. Men and women are different because we need differences. We need differences in opinions. We need differences in talents and abilities. We need differences in everything, because that is part of what makes life interesting, and possible.
Same sex attraction is becoming more and more evident in the world today. Now I must admit that I do not support the idea of gay and lesbian relationships, however that doesn't mean that I shun those people. I have friends that have struggled with those emotions, and I don't love them any less for it. I've come to understand that different people have different struggles. I don't know the exact circumstances of people who are struggling with same sex attraction, but I feel that those feelings are struggles that some people deal with in life. Others may disagree, and that's okay because we each have a right to our own ideas. I have come to know and believe for myself that marriage between a man and a women is a relationship that God established to bring more of His children to earth. I guess you could say that is why I can be so passionate about this topic, because it is between a man and a women that children are able to be created.That doesn't mean that God loves people who are struggling with same sex attraction less than people who don't struggle with that. God loves all people no matter what their struggles are. I know many will disagree, but also know that I still respect that your opinion may be different than mine. Regardless of opinions, we are all people and should respect each other.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Is it Just Me, or am I Judging to Much? Social Classes
Let's be honest with each other right now. I know you judge people too. I know that just like me, you want so badly to say that you don't, but you do. When you see the man walk down the street with a scruffy beard, mismatched socks, rumpled shirt, and dirt on his face you think a lot of the same things I do... like "Is he homeless or something?" or " He needs a shower and shave!" or " He must have made some poor choices in his life that got him where he is."..... But guess what? You don't know him, and I don't know him, so neither one of us can say that any of those things we think are true.
It's funny, I've also realize that while we think negatively about people who we may think are below us (as far as social class goes) that we also think those things about people who are "above us" I our minds. When a girl comes to class wearing a nice, expensive, outfit with her hair curled, designer bag in hand, and a smile we may automatically think, " She is prettier than me." or " Her family is really rich." or " She doesn't know how to work hard." or " She is stuck up."....Why in the world do we think we have the right to judge somebody we haven't even said "Hi!" to?
Ultimately what I am trying to say, is that we are surrounded by great people that could become our friends if we would just let down some of our preconceived barriers and talk with them. All we need to do is get to know them, and look for their strengths so we can learn from them. Some of these individuals might even be within our own family. We just need to be open to the possibility that our first glance judgments may be incorrect, and then do something about it.
- Lacey
P.S. If you are interested in watching some of the videos that gave me some of my insights, here is a link!
It's funny, I've also realize that while we think negatively about people who we may think are below us (as far as social class goes) that we also think those things about people who are "above us" I our minds. When a girl comes to class wearing a nice, expensive, outfit with her hair curled, designer bag in hand, and a smile we may automatically think, " She is prettier than me." or " Her family is really rich." or " She doesn't know how to work hard." or " She is stuck up."....Why in the world do we think we have the right to judge somebody we haven't even said "Hi!" to?
Ultimately what I am trying to say, is that we are surrounded by great people that could become our friends if we would just let down some of our preconceived barriers and talk with them. All we need to do is get to know them, and look for their strengths so we can learn from them. Some of these individuals might even be within our own family. We just need to be open to the possibility that our first glance judgments may be incorrect, and then do something about it.
- Lacey
P.S. If you are interested in watching some of the videos that gave me some of my insights, here is a link!
- Please Like Us (opening teaser)
- Tammy's Story
- You might also be interested in this update on Tammy and her family, filmed in 2013.)
- Joe Queenan's Tour of Yuppidom
- Gnomes are Us
- WASP Lessons
- Belles, Belles, Belles
- Friends in low Places
- How to Marry the Rich
- All You Need is Cash
- Trouble in Paradise
- Baltimore Dive Bars
- Class and Family Structure in the United States". This short video by a noted educator and family therapist discusses how family structure frequently differs greatly along social class lines.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
They Do What Now?... Learning to Love Differences
This post might be a little different than other posts I've done in the past, but I think I am finally starting to figure out how to be me while still sharing important information....We'll see how this goes!
So first off, I need to give a little more background. I'm from Idaho. I've never moved, and I have LOVED living here my whole life. My family doesn't travel too much but we take trips here and there to different nearby states. Just after my nineteenth birthday however, I choose to serve a mission and was assigned to Milwaukee, Wisconsin for 18 months to teach other people about my religion ( I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If you have questions check out LDS.org). Wisconsin was the farthest I had ever been from home, but it was still the United States.... So it couldn't be that different right??? WRONG!
Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the state of Wisconsin. A HUGE piece of my heart is in that state, but it was not like the home I was used to out west. The people in Wisconsin said funny things like "Oh you betcha!" and "Don't you know!" and they liked to eat sour kraut. They even had a side of cheese with their apple pie....Where in the world am I?? To top off the strangeness I felt being in a new place, the city that I first lived in had large sections of ghetto which was very different from the atmosphere I was used to at home (on my families ranch). Its an under exaggeration to say that I was out of my comfort zone. There were many different ethnicities, and types of people in Wisconsin and I didn't understand why a lot people did the things they did, or said the things they said, but this is what I learned.....
Everyone is different. Everyone is weird. Everyone has their own quirks. Some quirks are more noticeable than others, but everyone has them. I thought I was "normal" going to Wisconsin, but I realized that to a lot of people in Wisconsin, this Idaho farm girl who was teaching people about religion was very strange. I learned that if you want to be happy and really come to love people you have to put your own perceptions of "normal" aside and learn to love everyone for being their individual type of normal. Is it easy? No! It's so worth it though. I look back at the time I got to spend in Wisconsin, and I know that if I hadn't learned to accept difference, and look past those differences to see who those people really are, I would have missed out on many opportunities to make some life-long friends. I suggest each of us try and find the good in others who are different, and learn to love them for the things that make them unique and their own kind of beautiful. Will you join me?
Please feel free to post questions or comments below.
-Lacey
So first off, I need to give a little more background. I'm from Idaho. I've never moved, and I have LOVED living here my whole life. My family doesn't travel too much but we take trips here and there to different nearby states. Just after my nineteenth birthday however, I choose to serve a mission and was assigned to Milwaukee, Wisconsin for 18 months to teach other people about my religion ( I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If you have questions check out LDS.org). Wisconsin was the farthest I had ever been from home, but it was still the United States.... So it couldn't be that different right??? WRONG!
Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE the state of Wisconsin. A HUGE piece of my heart is in that state, but it was not like the home I was used to out west. The people in Wisconsin said funny things like "Oh you betcha!" and "Don't you know!" and they liked to eat sour kraut. They even had a side of cheese with their apple pie....Where in the world am I?? To top off the strangeness I felt being in a new place, the city that I first lived in had large sections of ghetto which was very different from the atmosphere I was used to at home (on my families ranch). Its an under exaggeration to say that I was out of my comfort zone. There were many different ethnicities, and types of people in Wisconsin and I didn't understand why a lot people did the things they did, or said the things they said, but this is what I learned.....
Everyone is different. Everyone is weird. Everyone has their own quirks. Some quirks are more noticeable than others, but everyone has them. I thought I was "normal" going to Wisconsin, but I realized that to a lot of people in Wisconsin, this Idaho farm girl who was teaching people about religion was very strange. I learned that if you want to be happy and really come to love people you have to put your own perceptions of "normal" aside and learn to love everyone for being their individual type of normal. Is it easy? No! It's so worth it though. I look back at the time I got to spend in Wisconsin, and I know that if I hadn't learned to accept difference, and look past those differences to see who those people really are, I would have missed out on many opportunities to make some life-long friends. I suggest each of us try and find the good in others who are different, and learn to love them for the things that make them unique and their own kind of beautiful. Will you join me?
Please feel free to post questions or comments below.
-Lacey
Friday, January 22, 2016
Family Theories
Have you ever heard of a family theory? I can tell you I definitely hadn't until this week. So incase you are wondering, I'll explain a little more about a few different family theories.
1) Conflict theory- This theory (to put is simply) is the idea that individuals in a family are viewing things as a competition and ultimately want to be right to have a greater ability to influence others. I like to think of this as the time when me and my brothers got in a disagreement over whether or not my high school or their high school was better. Ultimately, we were having the conversation only because we are competitive with each other.... things like that happen when you got to rival high schools. :)
2)Symbolic interaction- This family theory suggests that each individual has a different perceived meaning of an action or situation. Have you ever seen the movie Hitch? My fiancé and I were watching it the other day and I realized that Hitch's first day when he goes to the museum with his future girlfriend is a perfect example of symbolic interaction....He sets up this really thoughtful date, takes her on the lake, and then he set it up so that one of her ancestor's names would be visible in the record book... really cute right?? Well it is, but because of the story and perception that the girl had to go along with that ancestors name it brought her to tears. Hitch's perception was that he was doing something great, while the girl's perception was one of disgust. Luckily it all worked out in the end for them!
3)The Exchange theory- We all know this one! It's hoping that the costs will be lower than the benefits. We have all experienced this when we have gotten into a new relationship. We consider the relationship and decide if the costs will be greater or less than the benefits and based on what we think we choose to either keep the relationship or let the person go.
To learn more about family theories, or to find more check out the blogs of some of my classmates under the fellow blogger section!
-Lacey
1) Conflict theory- This theory (to put is simply) is the idea that individuals in a family are viewing things as a competition and ultimately want to be right to have a greater ability to influence others. I like to think of this as the time when me and my brothers got in a disagreement over whether or not my high school or their high school was better. Ultimately, we were having the conversation only because we are competitive with each other.... things like that happen when you got to rival high schools. :)
2)Symbolic interaction- This family theory suggests that each individual has a different perceived meaning of an action or situation. Have you ever seen the movie Hitch? My fiancé and I were watching it the other day and I realized that Hitch's first day when he goes to the museum with his future girlfriend is a perfect example of symbolic interaction....He sets up this really thoughtful date, takes her on the lake, and then he set it up so that one of her ancestor's names would be visible in the record book... really cute right?? Well it is, but because of the story and perception that the girl had to go along with that ancestors name it brought her to tears. Hitch's perception was that he was doing something great, while the girl's perception was one of disgust. Luckily it all worked out in the end for them!
3)The Exchange theory- We all know this one! It's hoping that the costs will be lower than the benefits. We have all experienced this when we have gotten into a new relationship. We consider the relationship and decide if the costs will be greater or less than the benefits and based on what we think we choose to either keep the relationship or let the person go.
To learn more about family theories, or to find more check out the blogs of some of my classmates under the fellow blogger section!
-Lacey
New Family "Trends"
It is no secret that there have been some major changes to what is considered to be morally correct within families over the last few generations. Over the last 100 years, morals have changed from couples waiting before marriage for sex, to people who just met at the bar going home together. Many new mothers aren't married, and many couples live together before they get married. Some people are so terrified of commitment that they choose not to get married for years, or never marry. Many marriages are short lived, and end in divorce only a few years after they begin.
Why is all of this information so important?
Well, there are a few different reasons I briefly need to address......
First, family is an essential part of why we are here on earth, and they bring the greatest happiness that we are able to experience in mortality. In a document released by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints called, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it states, "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan." I've come to know that is true for myself. I have also come to realize, that God's way always works better than man's way. Marriage is ordained of God, and gives greater stability to relationships. Marriage gives children a stable environment for children to be raised, and allows for growth together as a family.
https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng
Another aspect many people may not consider is that as marriage and family relationships decay, the population is decreasing with it. Many reports recently have emphasized that the world is becoming over populated, however, the numbers tell us otherwise. Yes, the world population currently is higher than ever, but the fertility rate is below 2.1 which would sustain the population in future decades. With the population below 2.1 the population will decrease which eventually could lead to a major population drop. For more information on the "Demographic Winter" Check out the following link:
http://www.byutv.org/watch/59b6b917-984a-478f-93b1-521a647779c4/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-1
Why is all of this information so important?
Well, there are a few different reasons I briefly need to address......
First, family is an essential part of why we are here on earth, and they bring the greatest happiness that we are able to experience in mortality. In a document released by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints called, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it states, "The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan." I've come to know that is true for myself. I have also come to realize, that God's way always works better than man's way. Marriage is ordained of God, and gives greater stability to relationships. Marriage gives children a stable environment for children to be raised, and allows for growth together as a family.
https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng
Another aspect many people may not consider is that as marriage and family relationships decay, the population is decreasing with it. Many reports recently have emphasized that the world is becoming over populated, however, the numbers tell us otherwise. Yes, the world population currently is higher than ever, but the fertility rate is below 2.1 which would sustain the population in future decades. With the population below 2.1 the population will decrease which eventually could lead to a major population drop. For more information on the "Demographic Winter" Check out the following link:
http://www.byutv.org/watch/59b6b917-984a-478f-93b1-521a647779c4/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-1
Friday, January 15, 2016
Fellow Bloggers
Check out more blogs focusing on the family!
http://lifeafamilyaffair.blogspot.com
http://brady-nothingbetter.blogspot.com
briannalongfamily.blogspot.com
http://brittlefevremadetolast.blogspot.com/
http://caitlynricks.blogspot.com
cartersfamilyrelationsblog.blogspot.com
familyrelations007.blogspot.com
cherrijohns.blogspot.com
familyis4everandeverything.blogspot.com
cheyannejones.blogspot.com
https://daniebradshaw.wordpress.com/
emilyhopesmith.weebly.com
gretchenleealifeworthhaving.blogspot.com
haileyhutchinson.blogspot.com
heidicwood.weebly.com
hunterllsteed.blogspot.com
http://jeffreymonson.blogspot.com/
kassidyhamberlin.weebly.com
http://kelsierichins.blogspot.com/
kristifarnsworthdeaver.blogspot.com
http://2day2morrow4everfamily.blogspot.com/
www.growsunshine.wordpress.com
leeandrawheelock.blogspot.com
http://lilyrutan.blogspot.com/
http://familylifefoundations.blogspot.com/
http://melissakdavies.blogspot.com/
ryebread2016.blogspot.com
https://serenityhubert.wordpress.com/
shelbykluesner.blogspot.com/
taylorwillie.weebly.com terrimoria.blogspot.com
http://lifeafamilyaffair.blogspot.com
http://brady-nothingbetter.blogspot.com
briannalongfamily.blogspot.com
http://brittlefevremadetolast.blogspot.com/
http://caitlynricks.blogspot.com
cartersfamilyrelationsblog.blogspot.com
familyrelations007.blogspot.com
cherrijohns.blogspot.com
familyis4everandeverything.blogspot.com
cheyannejones.blogspot.com
https://daniebradshaw.wordpress.com/
emilyhopesmith.weebly.com
gretchenleealifeworthhaving.blogspot.com
haileyhutchinson.blogspot.com
heidicwood.weebly.com
hunterllsteed.blogspot.com
http://jeffreymonson.blogspot.com/
kassidyhamberlin.weebly.com
http://kelsierichins.blogspot.com/
kristifarnsworthdeaver.blogspot.com
http://2day2morrow4everfamily.blogspot.com/
www.growsunshine.wordpress.com
leeandrawheelock.blogspot.com
http://lilyrutan.blogspot.com/
http://familylifefoundations.blogspot.com/
http://melissakdavies.blogspot.com/
ryebread2016.blogspot.com
https://serenityhubert.wordpress.com/
shelbykluesner.blogspot.com/
taylorwillie.weebly.com terrimoria.blogspot.com
Monday, January 11, 2016
Getting to Know Me- The Blogger
Hey there!
Thanks for checking out my blog. I'm not the most poetic or insightful person, but hopefully something that I write will inspire you, or help you in making a difficult choice. Who knows, maybe something I write will be exactly what you needed to read that day. I don't really expect it, but if it ever is, I would love to know!
Soooo.... a little about me. My name is Lacey, I grew up on a cattle ranch in Idaho. I loved my childhood summers playing outside with my cousins. I also love to horseback riding, running, fishing, and four wheeling. I have started writing this blog for one of my classes here at college, so I thought I would briefly share a little about my family.I have been blessed with a wonderful family who I absolutely love. My parents are incredible! I literally couldn't have had better parents for my personality. Looking back it seems that they always knew exactly how to discipline me even though at times I did not understand it. I have two older brothers who have been great examples to me and I love them TONS! They have become some of my closest friends. I am also currently engaged to Hunter. We have known each other for years. We went to elementary school together and sat next to each other in the 6th grade. He is a wonderful man, and I am very blessed to know him.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was blessed with the privilege of serving a full time mission for eighteen months in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. My time in Wisconsin helped to open my eyes to understand that their are many families in need of support and encouragement to stick together in today's world. It helped inspire me to work towards becoming a marriage and family counselor. I also became to be a bit of a Packer's fan with a tour to Lambeau Field.
Again, thanks for checking out my blog. Please feel free to ask questions. I hope that in some way, this blog will help you in your journey.
-Lacey
Thanks for checking out my blog. I'm not the most poetic or insightful person, but hopefully something that I write will inspire you, or help you in making a difficult choice. Who knows, maybe something I write will be exactly what you needed to read that day. I don't really expect it, but if it ever is, I would love to know!
Soooo.... a little about me. My name is Lacey, I grew up on a cattle ranch in Idaho. I loved my childhood summers playing outside with my cousins. I also love to horseback riding, running, fishing, and four wheeling. I have started writing this blog for one of my classes here at college, so I thought I would briefly share a little about my family.I have been blessed with a wonderful family who I absolutely love. My parents are incredible! I literally couldn't have had better parents for my personality. Looking back it seems that they always knew exactly how to discipline me even though at times I did not understand it. I have two older brothers who have been great examples to me and I love them TONS! They have become some of my closest friends. I am also currently engaged to Hunter. We have known each other for years. We went to elementary school together and sat next to each other in the 6th grade. He is a wonderful man, and I am very blessed to know him.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was blessed with the privilege of serving a full time mission for eighteen months in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. My time in Wisconsin helped to open my eyes to understand that their are many families in need of support and encouragement to stick together in today's world. It helped inspire me to work towards becoming a marriage and family counselor. I also became to be a bit of a Packer's fan with a tour to Lambeau Field.
Again, thanks for checking out my blog. Please feel free to ask questions. I hope that in some way, this blog will help you in your journey.
-Lacey
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